Negative Self Talk

The more I connect with people, the more I come to understand how common negative self-talk is.

Everyone’s got a different flavor of it, but the vast majority of the time we say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t dream of saying to another person:

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“I can’t believe you fucked it up again.” “Of course they wouldn’t be interested, I mean look at you.” “Everyone’s going to hate you if this isn’t perfect.”

When you mess up or fail, imagine you’re talking to your best friend. What would you want them to know about themselves, and about life, despite this mistake?

I find this is especially true for me when it comes to achievement and getting things done. I set the bar so unreachably high that I can’t hope to hit it, and then when I don’t hit it, I use it as an opportunity to beat myself up and corroborate my story about how I’m not enough and somehow deserve punishment.

“See?? I told you so.”

And weirdly, this rampancy of self-critique makes sense. We grow up in a society that so often demands conformity, punishes full-expression of self, and rewards achievement at the expense of personal well-being. So really, our brains are just trying to keep us safe and out of harm’s way (thanks brain).

But that’s not what you want. That’s not what I want. And luckily it doesn’t have to stay like this. You can create a vastly different self-talk experience

You first have to realize that you are not our thoughts. It may not seem like it, but you have the power to choose to talk to yourself differently.

You can choose more loving thoughts instead of negative critique.

You can choose to give yourself grace instead of punishment.

You can choose to be on your own team.

Start to notice on a day to day basis what your mental chatter sounds like. If it’s not empowering, practice spending time consciously being kind to yourself. Maybe start with an hour and then move up from there.

You are important. You are special. You are worthy!


Happiness and YOU!

Hayden and Happiness

Happiness isn't easy. Everyone is capable of it, but you've got to lay the groundwork.

Most of us have subconscious beliefs about ourselves that directly contradict and obstruct our ability to be happy. Your job is to find out what those are and change them.

You may hear people say "just choose happiness".

But I think that's putting it too simply. Yes, happiness is a choice, but not in the way that you would expect.  It's partly about mindset and the ‘emotion’ of joy or happiness, but it’s mostly about environment.

Are you making strides to change your internal and subconscious thought processes to more positive ones?

Are you making a habit of gratitude and focusing on what's good in your life?

Are you putting yourself first in relationships, setting healthy boundaries, and creating relationships with people that cheer you on instead of tear you down?

Are you reinventing your relationship with money so that instead of a negative black hole of perceived scarcity, it’s an exciting concept rooted in abundance?

Are you ACTIVELY looking for the next step in achieving your work purpose, even if it requires you to do something “crazy” like leave a steady job or go back to school?

Choose happiness by loving yourself and taking action towards what you want every single day.